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Current Month
Nov. 8th, 2006 @ 10:12 pm DEMOCRATS RAH RAH RAH!!!!
Hmmm well..... Im negative 5.66 in my bank acount and I don't know when the next time im going to get paid is. But at least the elections went good.
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Nov. 4th, 2006 @ 11:25 pm Being Drunk is nice
Current Mood: drunkdrunk
Current Music: Moonspell Memorial (whole cd buy it now!)
Being Drunk is nice but it's kinda sad when your alone....
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Oct. 28th, 2006 @ 05:23 pm 4 year is long so heres the update
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
Current Music: Weird Al- White and Nerdy
Here is an update on the happenings in life for the past 4 years. This is also in my bio now.

My Name is John I was let out of the hospital 10/23/06. The doctors there were really nice :-). But seeing my past from 2000 to 2002 has made me relapse so why not rekindle an old relationship with live journal. After being relocated to Lisbon Ohio what a fun fuck town this is. Im 25 now (yes lower car insurance rates.) Before the hospital stay I was paying almost as much as my car payment. All I have left is a 1977 c10 truck. BTW I am also married thats the reason I had a chance to be let go from that wonderous hospital. Feel free to stay current and or reflect on my past life experiences. Have a nice day keep smiling and remember dying is not fun and only happens once.

I enjoy
Flowers, Candy, Roses, Metal, Blood , Disembowlment, Dismemberment , horses, dogs, murder, more blood, Kool aid, exercise, decapitation, christanity,friends, happiness, suicide, homicide, cold blood, warm fires, church burning and long walks in the park.
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Oct. 28th, 2006 @ 05:16 am IM BACK BITCHES!!!!
Almost 4 years !!!! They finally let me out of the hospital. Im back for another romp through the LJ WORLD!!!WOOOOOOOOO!
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May. 30th, 2002 @ 03:08 am AIM AFTER DARK MADNESS
GimmiGummi1369: i tried scaring glen on line
GimmiGummi1369: look at this
GimmiGummi1369: GimmiGummi1369: WHA!
SirMetalNess: hey
GimmiGummi1369: did i scare you?
SirMetalNess: no
GimmiGummi1369: damn it
GimmiGummi1369: x out the window ok
GimmiGummi1369: RAR!!!!!!!!!!!!
GimmiGummi1369: did that work
SirMetalNess: nope
GimmiGummi1369: damn it *stomps away*
smeee3: haha
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May. 28th, 2002 @ 09:04 pm Im so confused lol
SimilarMinds.com Compatibility Test

Your match with Dave
57% friendship compatibility
80% relationship compatibility

How Compatible are You with me?
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May. 26th, 2002 @ 07:18 pm no more help
Since I cant do it right anymore I am not gonna help anymore. Cause when I help it only hurts people. So I wonder If I hurt, who will it help.
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May. 25th, 2002 @ 08:12 pm (no subject)
*shrugs* whats the point anymore can anyone explain that? (As cryptic as that message seems if you can answer it I will love that person forever.)
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May. 25th, 2002 @ 08:02 pm UGh
Please kill me now I beg someone just come and slice my throat if you need my address I will give it to you.
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May. 23rd, 2002 @ 08:58 pm Ewww
I smell like Mildew sounds nice huh thought I would share it with you all.
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May. 23rd, 2002 @ 08:56 pm My Day Off
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Tiamat "Love as good as Soma"
Am I a weird one or what. I hate my job but i hate days off even more. It just is like im wasting a whole day. Why do we even have days off. Maybe I have just worked too much. Or it could be that I have no one to spend my time off with. So it kinda sucks I mean I always find myself at a cd store or just driving aimlessly with dave or bennett. Trust me I dont mind it at all but I feel like I am waisting the days away. Oh well on with everything else. Me and dave went to robinson and he dropped off a application at cost co. I really hope he gets the Job he needs one badly. Then from there it was to K mart to see the new tazz figure he looks too much like Lemmy from motorhead. But anyways we walked around there for a while got bored and drove to its better half of the mega super store retailers Walmart. When I walk in to the place I see the russian girl. I dont think I have mentioned her. She is this pretty russian girl that use to come in to bp and was pretty nice to me all the time. Then just last week i went with Dave ,BJ and Truck to beer world so bj could pick up three cases of beer for a party he was going to. But as we went up to the Cash Register there was the Russian girl. I know her name just cant spell it. But I just thought it was weird I saw her there and she said hi to me in walmart! But anyway I just kept on walking and dave went to find a belt to buy at least I think he was gonna buy it. Or maybe just try it on and forget to take it off. I ended up buying tons of junk food and mouth wash, logical Yes? Well after that we went back to his house so he could eat and i could use the bathroom. Then off to where else but a cd store duh. I traded in a storm troopers of death dvd for a bal sagoth cd. I spent like a good hr there. Most of the time was talking to this dude who is just getting into black metal. After 7 "tiring" years of punk. That would be too much punk for me too. Well dave got tired and had to lean up against something outside. So i completely forgot that he was out there. Sorry Dave but people should know by now not to leave me a lone in a cd store i lose all conception of time. From there it was to home where I am now just ate a chili dog while listening to Tiamat's new one. I dont think i could have made this day any more uninteresting for you people. But at least you did not live it. The Chili dog by the way is making me sick just like everything else I eat.
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May. 22nd, 2002 @ 09:47 pm The Search is Finally Over
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Music: The Bronx Casket Co.
After a Year of Searching the search is finally over. I was in CD WAREHOUSE in green tree of all places. This place is always so shitty when searching for my musical taste. But long and behold i the C category I find Cathedral's "Forest of Equilibrium" I near shit my pants when I saw that and my heart did skip a beat. But Further More being the place cd warehouse is it was only 3.99 in which i started to laugh hysterically. Why the hell would you sell scratch free cds for 3.99. I would not go lower then 5.99 when selling cds. I mean I would have bought the damn thing if it was thier usual 7.99. Oh well their loss and the girl thier was so rude no matter what i said. I hate hippies just to let you know. Apparently she hated my anti god shirt and black army cargo pants. I must have looked evil or something. I was even very nice to her and she was still a bitch but i guess that is the price I had to pay to get that cd. I bought 5 other cds today totaling about 36 bucks total. Im such a cd fiend big props to dave for driving to south side and the strip district cause i hate city driving. I probably would get out of my car and beat someone senselessly if they cut me off.
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May. 21st, 2002 @ 05:01 am If I could not escape to cleveland like I do I would be so dead!
Tonight was fun, I went to Cleveland Oh. You can not go wrong with that. I think it is my favorite city in the whole united states. Anyways I went with Glen and Mike for a concert of course. Like there would be anything else to do on a monday night at 8 pm. I got to see Killswitch Engage for the second time Soilwork for the second time and for the first time ever I got to see Fucking Hypocrisy. They fucking brought the house down they played two songs from ever album they have. (I think that is like 10 albums.) The Set was Amazing and completely Knocked me on my ass. Killswitch was good but thier set was too short. Soilwork is always good even though it was the same exact set I saw in Mass. Metal Fest. But it was a great show except for scar culture (ugh) they are so boring. My friend decided to make a comment oh they are sorta like brutal truth. I just kept my mouth shut on that comment. Anyway I guess I should be off to be now cause I have to be up in two hrs to go to work.
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May. 19th, 2002 @ 01:51 am Talking to myself gives me a company yet im still so lonely
It is almost 2 am and I think im gonna go insane here. I should have never stayed in tonight. I waited for something that never happened. Then my saving grace came online but she is sad now. I dont know what to do I feel so helpless. I try and fail every time it never changes everything always stays the same. I hurt people on accident and I end up lonely. Well I guess it is time to end one or the other so I guess it is time to end the people part. So the hurting part never happens. I dont know this is how I feel now but hey it could change but as far as it goes I think I am done with people. Unless on a business stand point level. Or if someone can maybe change my views or reassure me on things I don't know im going to bed now.
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May. 12th, 2002 @ 08:56 pm Clueless
Someone told me today that I needed to find a family. WTF Does that mean, people think these things are on sale at fucking ebay or something. Did I ever mention I hate people. If not let me tell you I hate people.
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May. 12th, 2002 @ 08:39 pm Exterminate the idiots
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: In Flames - "Embody the invisable", "Ordinary Story"
I just got home from work today and I tell you what is it just me or is most of america idiots. First off I card a kid today for cigarettes and he does not have his ID so I say sorry I cant sell them too you. He throws a fit and complains how he is 22 years old (looks 17 or 16 to me). I said sorry he calls me a faggot and some other choice words. I say thankyou have a nice day. He then says keep working at bp and of course I said I will I fucking love my job please come again. The next guy to piss me off was someone who wanted some coke 12 packs. I said we were out of Diet coke. He said "Why are you out?" You fucking idiot cause there is no more. How obvious is that are you that fucking dense you idiot to realize the reason we dont have any is cause we sold them all!. I left an hr early cause I had a throbbing head ache from these people. I wish i could have a taser or a cattle prod be hind the counter and when someone would give me a reasoning for me to call them an idiot. I could would just shock them and watch them convulse on the floor. Next thing that gave me a headache at work today. There is this insane guy named bill. Apparently he was a Genius in highschool but his parents locked him in the closet when they would leave the house he went nuts. (I use to get locked in the basement I never went nuts what the heck.) They said he talks to no one and tells them to get away. He was standing in the corner and he was talking to himself and then he lets out this horrid scream. He did this about 30 times in the hr or two he was hanging out there. So for some sick reason before the screaming started he was talking to me. Why me what special kinda person am I for this psychotic person to only talk to me.
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May. 11th, 2002 @ 12:30 pm AH!!!
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Exhumed- "Dinnertime in the Morgue"
Some girl told me last night I was very hot. I don't know how to take that no one ever said that to me before. Maybe it is like that movie shallow Hal, but instead of it being Hal it should be shallow gal. Maybe she just said something else and thats what I heard.
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May. 11th, 2002 @ 02:32 am CHECK ME IN!!!!!!
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: ICED EARTH- "Something wicked this way comes trilogy"
I think I am in line to be admitted to the psych ward. I have tons of sick writings i have been doing recently. People say they are good but they dont realize. I mean these for myself it is how I feel at the moment. When I write a song called
"Slit Wrist Embrace" (which i will post below) The whole song is about seeing someone you trusted defy you. Thus making you snap and wanting revenge in the only way you know how to hurt him. You call it a gift to him but really you want it to hurt so bad. I think I should get myself checked out soon. Anyway here is the writing.

Passed out oblivious to the world
Lies formed in the matter of minutes

Seeing you this way makes me wanna die
The Time has come finally
The feel of cold steel

With a flick of the blade
I shed my crimson pain

With a flick of the blade
My Gift to you is presented

Tears Burst apon sight from your bloodshot eyes
All I ask is you give me that hug you always denied

Embraced till the end
Soak up all my blood
Drain me dry
Make me one with you
This is my final resting place

This my gift to you
My slit wrist Embrace

Feel Free to comment or bash me or whatever I get a kick out of it personally .
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May. 11th, 2002 @ 02:12 am Mothers Day
Current Mood: bitchybitchy
Current Music: Broken Hope- "She came out in chunks" (lovely huh)
Hmm I Realized on Thursday that mothers day was coming up. I hate mothers day cause I dunno I dont have a reason to celebrate it anymore. It also pisses me off when I hear comments like oh god mothers day again. You people should not dread this day. Wait till your mom is no longer living this holiday will haunt you for the rest of your life. Just like her birthday and her death day will.
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May. 6th, 2002 @ 05:06 pm you doing drugs is a good way to make me want to die.
So after 6 or so months my dad has finally decided to dip his hand back into the cookie jar again. It is just an assumption me knowing my dad so well i could usually pin point when he is like this. He seems to be back on drugs one of two things of course. Heroin or Pain Pills now its up to me to find out which one it is. This might be the end of me because of the near numerous times I wanted to die when I was a teenager. Anyone have any advice im so lost right now. I hate living with a drug addict. I feel like history is repeating itself. Please no one say get him help I tried that numerous times. K well im gonna go for a drive now.
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May. 3rd, 2002 @ 11:13 pm Should I even fucking bother anymore.
K well I was suppose to meet this person tomorrow in Altoona. We have been getting along pretty well the first time i was suppose to meet her she had to cancel. So she sends me an IM tonight online saying I cant wait to meet you. Then she comes back and says I cant come up tomorrow WTF. This is the second person to do this to me in the past two months(more then once by each person). Its to the point now where im not gonna bother with people anymore they are just lying to me all the time. Now I am waiting for couple of other people to say things they said they once wanted to do. SO I can feel completely worthless. Oh well Im just pissed and sad right now so I guess im just blowing my top over stupid shit. Thats all my life is anyway it appears stupid disillusioned shit. Well at least I can go to someones party tomorrow.
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Apr. 28th, 2002 @ 05:33 pm WHY!?!?!
Current Mood: Hating myself
Current Music: Blind Gaurdian
Why is it everyone I like, when I tell them they go away or something worse. What am I doing wrong, its to the point now where im afraid to tell anyone how I feel. Cause they will just go away. I think today it just happened again and I never even got the chance to really tell the person how I felt. She apparently hates me now or thats what I got from the away message :-(. Ah I just cant win I guess. I really liked her to just never had the guts to express my feelings cause like she would just go away too.
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Apr. 27th, 2002 @ 11:52 am your all out to get me i know it

Find your Role-Playing
at mutedfaith.com.
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Apr. 24th, 2002 @ 03:45 am Who cares if i dont understand what he is saying he is my daddy!

Who's your daddy?? Find out @ blackhole
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Apr. 24th, 2002 @ 03:41 am YAY for once i did not get the goth answer!

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You?
quiz, by Angel.
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Apr. 24th, 2002 @ 03:37 am Scary Scary !

Take the What Type of Friend are
quiz, and visit mutedfaith.com.
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Apr. 15th, 2002 @ 01:33 pm Oh so true is this
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Apr. 11th, 2002 @ 08:59 pm 60 Days
60 Days till I Turn 21!!!!!!!! Anybody wanna do something with me then LoL Ya right.
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Apr. 8th, 2002 @ 12:11 am This seems like what i want to be some day so maybe history will repeat itself!

What were you in a past life?
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Apr. 2nd, 2002 @ 03:37 pm Im proud of myself for once!
I was able to put my brakes on my car today. With only being showed once like a week or two ago. I'm cool woo hoo today is great.

Ok enough of that self glorification stuff I'm getting a headache.
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Mar. 31st, 2002 @ 09:47 pm Happy Easter At least I thought so
Why does Bennett get mad when I say happy easter to him is it because he is Jewish can someone answer that for me.
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Mar. 31st, 2002 @ 09:45 pm Hair Metal vs. NWOBHM
I forgot to mention today I was over crazy Bennetts last night drinking. I was talking about music with someone and they said that why do you like that 80s hair metal stuff. So in turn i asked what do you mean? "You like Judas Priest and Iron Maiden." I had a couple beers in me at that point and I just went off. Lets get the record straight for all of you narrow minded stereotyping fulls. IRON MAIDEN AND JUDAS PRIEST ARE NOT HAIR METAL THEY ARE NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal). If these two bands where not around so many other bands would not have the same sound. These bands were role models for so many bands you know of today. They are legends not Jokes. Then the kid went on to say they have no talent. At this point I was enraged and ready to beat the glass bottle I had in my hand over his head. Rob Halford who is considered a metal god and Bruce Dickenson who is legendary are trained vocalist. I would kill to see someone do the stuff they do at their talent with no training. Ok I feel better now.
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Mar. 31st, 2002 @ 08:42 pm My car and a saber saw can you stop the madness? I think not!
So last sunday I got into my 6th car accident in my driving history of 1yr and like 5 months. This one was not so bad it just pushed the bumper down and it was scraping my wheel. It would eventually do me in and pop my tire so I had to do something fast about it. So today I went over crazy Bennetts house. We jacked up my car plugged in the electric saber saw and i went to town on my car. I hacked my bumper to pieces :-) it was so much fun to get back at the car that I hate so much . It looks bad but I don't care I have a new bumper coming in the mail along with a new fender THANK YOU E-BAY!
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Mar. 30th, 2002 @ 12:28 am You wanna see me fail!
I tell I might be really drunk right now but hatebreed is definately one of the albums of the year!
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Mar. 29th, 2002 @ 08:39 pm Hatebreed
You should all go out right now and buy the new hatebreed cd. I just did the cd is so worth it. Hardcore's finest :-)
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Mar. 22nd, 2002 @ 08:36 pm FINALLY!
After two years of claiming they had a new cd coming out HATEBREED Releases thier next album on march 26th i remember 2 years ago hearing jamie jasta say this next song is off our new album coming out soon. I dont even like hatebreed anymore I just thought it was an epic moment here. Fucking straight edge hardcore kids!
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Mar. 20th, 2002 @ 02:23 am Eh no subject needed
Wow I cant believe how much girls have had effect on me in the past 4 months. I went from not really giving two shits about girls to having a gf to becoming an emotion mess that never wants to really leave his house. Because he does not wanna see the outside world that much. Now the latest thing was I was getting back on the rebound and I was getting in good with a girl only to have it crushed tonight for sure. As she clearly said she can never have a relationship again. Which I think it is just a nice way of saying fuck you and your completely twisted way of thinking I liked you anything more then a friend. But hey on a happier note the girl that used me for a while says she still loves me and cares about me maybe I should hook back up with her i mean she is the reason I have been this emotional mess for two months. I never knew that there could be abusive girl friends until I tried dating for the first time and got guess what. AN ABUSIVE GIRLFRIEND , mentally and emotionally she tore me apart. So anyway I think its time to go back into that hole again because the mole is getting lonely down there and he needs someone to hold the flashlight for him.
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Mar. 9th, 2002 @ 08:31 pm im must be drunk

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Mar. 4th, 2002 @ 03:41 am I hope complainers are happy now.
People have been bothering me to update my journal. So here is some stuff I wrote over the past two weeks. I can not think of anything eventful to write about right now. Your opinions are always welcome. No none of these are gonna be happy and cheery.

Pain in the purest form

I Constantly lay waiting in the background till your weak .
I am the feeling that tears you up from within.
I Slice through you like a icy shard of steel.
Releasing everything you once tried to keep with in.
Bringing forth terror, sadness, and anger.
Who am I?
My name is Pain and welcome to your everlasting nightmare.
Cold tears crystallize as they roll down my face.
illusions of happiness are just that.
loneliness last for eternity.
My heart bleeds internally
As my smile is the perfect deterrent
From all the pain ripping me in side
People will never know
they will just never know
never understand never comprehend
just be be fooled by a mask of happiness
when the true pain lies underneath
forever slicing my bleeding heart into millions of pieces
never to be reformed again
left dead and heartbroken

Just like the light of darkness
I live in complete contradiction
I show my veil of bright happiness
But inside lies nothing but dark sadness
My past follows me like a shadow
Forever right behind me closing in
The day of its nonexistence is near
For death is the day it fears
Once past is forgotten future ends
Time stops and true peace prevails
A feeling of love

Constantly fooling me time and time again.
As if you think it is some kinda cute trick you play.
Just when I think I have solved your puzzle.
You lay in waiting for me to discover
That this is only the beginning
As it seems my destination is Desolation
You give me such a high
Suddenly without warning razor sharp claws lash out
Shredding those beautiful wings you constructed for me
As fall from the sparkling night sky I realize
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Feb. 6th, 2002 @ 09:01 pm Found IT!!!!!
I finally found my Moonspell cd it was burried in my car uunder trash and inside a burt by the sun cd case. You people just dont realize how happy i am.
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